The Diwali I Spent With Myself…

                                              

This Diwali was different. Different in a way I had never imagined.

For the first time in 39 years of my life, I spent Diwali all by myself.

My parents were in Himachal, my children had gone to celebrate 

the festival with their Dadi and Dadu, and here I was… alone in a

 house that suddenly seemed a little too quiet.

I woke up in the morning and went about my usual routine. 

Finished the household chores, decorated the house a little, and 

tried to make the day feel like any other Diwali. But honestly, 

I don't think I even knew what I was feeling.

There was a strange emptiness. I missed the usual excitement, the little chaos, the laughter, the noise and, most of all, my children. You never really realise how much space those little voices occupy in your life until they aren't around. The house was the same, but it didn't feel like home in quite the same way.

Initially, I felt sad. Perhaps a little lost too. After all, Diwali has always meant being surrounded by family, sharing food, exchanging smiles, dressing up and creating memories. And this time, there was no one to share all those little moments with.

But as the day passed, something changed.

I don't know when exactly, but I slowly made peace with the silence. I stopped thinking about what was missing and started enjoying what I had. I did little things for myself, moved around the house at my own pace, enjoyed the quiet and didn't feel the need to fill every moment with something.

I didn't go overboard with celebrations. There were no elaborate preparations or grand plans. Just me, my little decorated home and a day that turned out to be quite different from what I had expected.

And somewhere towards the end of the day, I found myself smiling.

I realised that while I missed my family immensely, I wasn't necessarily unhappy. That it was okay to miss people and still enjoy the moment. That it was okay to feel a little lonely in the morning and find happiness in your own company by evening.

Perhaps this Diwali taught me something I hadn't really paid attention to all these years.

We spend so much of our lives being someone's daughter, someone's mother, someone's wife, someone's colleague… constantly doing, caring, giving and being there for everyone. And sometimes, without even realising it, we forget what it feels like to simply be with ourselves.

This Diwali gave me that little pause.

I wouldn't say I didn't miss my children. I did, terribly. There is no replacing the warmth of having them around. But I also discovered a little version of myself who could enjoy a quiet day, find happiness in small things and be perfectly okay with her own company.

Maybe growing up is also about learning this.

You can miss people without letting their absence take away your happiness. You can love being surrounded by your family and still learn to enjoy being with yourself.

This wasn't the Diwali I had planned, but perhaps it was the Diwali I needed.

And for that, I am grateful. ❤️